On the last day of January, I find myself 20 pounds lighter than where I was on the first day of January.
I worked my butt off this month. I've overcome the odds.
I wish I could say that I'm sleeping. But, that's not quite there yet. Anyone reading this use a Cpap machine and have any tips for adjusting to the mask life? The pressure build up is killing me! Help!
Anyway--- someday!
I can't help but find myself still thinking though, on some days, that maybe now will be when my body decides it's done.
It's been exciting to see the numbers going down finally. After so many disappointments.
But, it's also terrifying because when those numbers go up, I immediately resort to thinking that I've reached the end- the point where my body rejects changing, and I depressingly give up.
I haven't let myself get to that point yet, and for that I am forever thankful.
I think, as a woman in general, or maybe even just a human, it's a challenge to stop comparing yourself to others. I remember growing up and hearing my mom and dad say all the time, that there was always going to be someone better, smarter, and prettier than you. But there was also never going to be another YOU.
Those words are so important.
I can't compare my struggle and my success to the success of anyone else. No one else is me. There are other teachers struggling to lose weight, there are women with pcos trying to fight battles, but none of them have all the strengths, weaknesses, struggles, and successes that I do, because we are all different. Our struggles are different. Our battles are different. And therefore, our successes and failures will be different too.
With that said, I found myself a few times recently, frustrated that I couldn't see a difference in my before and after pictures. Why can other people share transformation pictures and I can't? It's another struggle I fight in this battle.
But, then I realized that patience and hope are two things I should be relying more on.
I saw a picture on my timehop today. One year ago, I completed an advocare 24 day challenge. I lost 16 pounds, and remember reaching the end and binge eating for 2 weeks.
But, I had lost weight and showed ridiculous transformation.
I compared that picture to a selfie I took today.
Even though I'm fighting a battle that seems impossible, in a years time, I can finally see the progress I was looking for.
I'm almost to 30 pounds lost since August. I can officially say that this summer/spring, I can go on an adventure I've been waiting for for years, because I am within the weight requirement. Even with clothes on!
I have zero intentions of giving up now. Zero.
What did I learn this month?
1. Food is not the enemy. I went out with friends one night, ate fried bar food, and drank beer, used my weeklies, and didn't reach 10,000 steps. I was terrified that I was going to step on that scale the next day, and start my cycle all over again.
What happened when I stepped on that scale? I lost 1.2 pounds from the previous day.
Yesterday, I hiked 8.5 miles, made it to 25,000 steps, and stayed in my points range. What happened when I stepped on the scale today?
I gained 0.2 pounds since yesterday.
The most important thing I learned this month is that I am human. I am going to be human my whole life. It's okay to eat out, it's okay to drink beer, and it's okay to have lazy days.
It's not okay to fall into a routine of that every day. But it's okay. I'm okay. I'll be okay.
This is a process.
A long one.
But I'm taking control.
And PCOS is not going to define my life.
As I start February, I start a new diet bet. I hope you will consider joining me and pledging to lose 4% of your weight in February! See the link below!
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