Thursday, December 31, 2015

Day 1

Day 1- December 30, 2015

I'm labeling this as day one, because it is the first day, I am 100% devoted to this and not getting off track. I have been counting calories, and exercising for several weeks now, but this is where I get serious. This is when I stop letting my PCOS and it's god-awful symptoms weigh me down (and up, literally) This is when I say "enough is enough". 

So, yesterday.
Sleep: 1 hour, 45 minutes! 

I went a few points over, because I over indulged at 8:00 PM on Ranch flavored Corn Nuts. Seriously. Corn Nuts. I didn't know something could taste so good. But, goodness gracious, they are my favorite snack. I'm going to have to really be careful with those bad boys though -- YUM!
I ate breakfast, lunch, and dinner. That's a positive. It's Christmas break, and I am completely and 100% out of my routine. I wake up later (well, sort of), stay in bed all morning (Sometimes, all day) and I'm certainly not as active as I normally am. And, it's freezing cold outside, since winter decided to show up all of a sudden. I don't have good eating habits either, I'll wait until 1:30 to eat and then by 9:00 at night, I'm eating the whole days worth of calories to catch up on....

SO ... Yesterday, Day 1, I ate 3 meals at 3 times throughout the day ... Progress.
I counted everything I consumed.
I even made it to 6,000 steps. The day before, I only had 1,800. Pure Laziness this winter break!

I know it's not supposed to be such a dependence on the scale, BUT, every time I have stepped on the scale since November, I have gained weight. Today, I stepped on the scale, and THE NUMBER WENT DOWN! 

It's only day 1, and I'm really not that excited about it, but I have to take a gain when I can take one.. they have been few and far between as of late.

Today, the last day of 2015, I'll be saying goodbye with this God-Awful workout...


For me...
This is what it looks like:

30 Burpees
100 Jumping Jacks
20 Burpees
100 Jumping Jacks
25 Burpees
3 Min. Plank
20 Squats
100 Jumping Jacks

See ya next year....

Wednesday, December 30, 2015

Who am I and why am I here

This blog is going to chronically document the journey that is going to change my life. Maybe no one will read it, maybe I'll reach out to other women who struggle, like me. I don't really know. Maybe what I say will confuse or offend other people, maybe I'll find a way to find the right words and not offend anyone. I don't really know.
What I do know is that this is for me, about me, and not anything or anyone else.
So...

Who Am I? and... Why am I here?


Here I am...




I am a sister...




I am a teacher.....


I am an Aunt...



I am adventurous...






















I enjoy being active...






But ...
I also have PCOS (Polycystic Ovary Sydnrome)
and, lately.... it has controlled my life.

What is PCOS?
PCOS is one of the most common silent disorders to effect women. Yet, it's not well known. Lately, thanks  to brave women standing up, it has become something that more people are aware of. However, unless you suffer from the disease, most people still don't understand.
Everyone who has PCOS has different levels and degrees of symptoms, and some people don't even experience some of the symptoms that over take other women's lives completely.

Most women with PCOS do experience weight gain and trouble losing weight, however, there are several women diagnosed with PCOS who are very thin and not obese.

I'm not a doctor, and I'm certainly not an expert on PCOS, because I only know first hand, my experience..
So what are my symptoms?

When I was diagnosed with PCOS, I was immediately put on birth control. Within 6 months, the cysts on my ovaries had decreased in size by over 75% and the amount of cysts were nearly cut in half. My gynecologist was very pleased with the progress my ovaries were making, and seemed to think that MY NUMBER ONE FEAR (infertility) was not as high risk as other women. He thinks that when I am ready to conceive, I will be able to healthily. I am not at that point in my life, so I can't speak on this symptom, however, it is still one of my greatest fears.

The symptoms I experience either regularly or occasionally are as follows...

1. Sleep Apnea and Insomnia
This is a recent symptom, and is certainly lead by my stress level
However, I was recently (3 days ago) FINALLY diagnosed with mild Sleep Apnea. An automatic CPAP machine has been ordered for me, and I look forward to the day when I can sleep again. My body has no sense of regularity because I average 2 hours of sleep a night (on a good night).

2. Weight Gain
I have tried several diets, several workout plans, and several things to lose weight.
Over the past 45 days, I have gained 7 pounds.
I tend to lose 10-15 pounds, and then my body stops regulating itself, and I start gaining it back, even though my habits don't necessarily change.

3. Menstrual Problems
Obviously. This is the leading symptom for diagnosis. Mine are mostly under control now thanks to Birth Control. However, I do tend to have very painful cycles, even though they are very short. Which I am thankful for.

4. Hair Loss (from the scalp)
I lose more hair than the average dog.

5. Hair Growth (of the face, chest, back, stomach)
THIS IS THE WORST symptom for me. Because PCOS is a hormonal imbalance, the body produces more testosterone than most women generally have. Because of this, I experience hair growth on my face, chest, back, and stomach. Gross. I know.
This is my number one insecurity. This leads to my dating life, literally sucking. This makes me more self-conscious than being obese. No one wants to see a hairy woman. Gross. But, here I am. I find long hairs on my chest every day that I have to pluck. Who plucks hair from their boobs? Seriously. How disgusting is that? I also occasionally find hairs on my stomach and back.The worst though is the facial hair. I grow facial hair like a man. And, it leads to red blotchy skin. It leads to patterns of acne and skin conditions. It's gross.
Someday, I really hope to be able to afford laser hair removal, so that this insecurity of mine can be diminished.

6. Skin Tags and Dark skin
I don't technically have an insulin resistance, as of now, but I do experience some of those related symptoms. I am not technically considered pre-diabetic either, but it is a possibility that I could develop those things due to PCOS

7. Depression/Anxiety/Mood Swings
I can't control it. I have no idea when I'll be okay, or when I'll be sad. I go through phases where other people make me jealous, because why can't I be normal? Sometimes, its hard for me to accept that things just won't be as easy for me as they are for others. It's a constant struggle. Other days, I can be as positive as can be. Other days, I can accept life for what it is.


Those are the big ones.. I'm sure, as I write this, that I'm forgetting something.. but I'll journal about them all along the way.


So, why am I here?

I have finally been given a diagnosis for my sleep struggles.
The symptoms of Sleep Apnea include:
  • Waking up with a very sore or dry throat
  • Loud snoring
  • Occasionally waking up with a choking or gasping sensation
  • Sleepiness or lack of energy during the day
  • Sleepiness while driving
  • Morning headaches
  • Restless sleep
  • Forgetfulness, mood changes, and a decreased interest in sex
  • Recurrent awakenings or insomnia
Those things, along with my body not getting rest and being able to restart itself every day have taken a toll on me physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

I am looking forward to being able to sleep again, and feeling better about life.

Because of that, here I am. Ready to take on the world, and make a real change. I am participating in a Diet Bet January 1-31. My goal is to lose 4% of my body weight in that time. 
How will I be doing that?
I will be following the Weight Watchers program, because it is the only thing I have found that gives ME real results in a healthy way, that doesn't limit my food intake (I'm stubborn), but also teaches portion control, healthy activities, and the importance of food as energy and fuel. 

So...
Follow my journey, be kind, understand this is about me. This is honest, this is real. This is my struggle. Not anyone else's. I don't feel anxious or  depressed about your success because of you. It's me. 


REALITY

I think it's important that I make these statements of reality.

1. I am obese.
2. I have gained a lot of weight.
3. I am beautiful
4. I am capable
5. I am strong
6. I am human
7. I am real
8. I have insecurities.
9. I have struggles
10. I can do this.


So, today is technically day one of my transformation.... I'll share the most embarrassing before photo of all time. Straight out of bed this morning.

Off to eat some oatmeal, and get in a workout. Because, there's not better time than the present.

PS. Link to the DietBet, if anyone is interested