Picking up the pieces

My last post was pretty depressing. It wasn't very upbeat. It wasn't very positive. It wasn't very... Me.

But, that pretty much describes my February.
February sucked.

I didn't lose weight.
I was sick.
I got injured.
I fell into some major slumps.
But, the upside... the good news..

It's not February anymore.

If I'm being honest, after things started falling apart in February, I stopped eating good. I stopped exercising regularly. It was just an all around fail.

I have been planning this post for a few weeks.

I wrote last time about how I lost some weight when I was sick. I was frustrated because I gained all of it back.

When I step back to reality though, I realize that I didn't gain anything serious back. I got sick. It's normal to gain weight back when you lose it unhealthily. I'm okay.

I put on a pair of pants a few weeks ago after weighing myself and expected them to be tight.
But, you know what?
They were more lose than when I put them on the time before.

That was a turning point for me.
I realized that even though I had gained that weight back, I hadn't regressed.
I was still working hard, and my body was still changing.

This is a hard concept. Especially because I have so much weight to lose, and it's so frustrating when the littlest of setbacks can feel so defeating.

This might sound weird but I looked at myself the other day after I got out of the tanning bed, and I realized that I'm making changes. I'm not making changes as fast as others, but I'm getting there.



I have really been in the dumps. I have a very stressful job in a very unfortunate place. I do not have support, and I am not surrounded by anything positive. I am looked down upon. I am not appreciated. I feel attacked, and I feel worthless most days. I feel like I picked the wrong career at least once a week.
I've been struggling to pick myself back up after having my spirits torn apart by people who should be building me up and supporting me.



But, I'm ready.
I haven't weighed myself in at least 2 weeks probably. I have no desire to.
Maybe I will on Sunday?
Maybe I will. Maybe I won't.

I just want to get myself back into the swing of things without the pressure.

Speaking of pressure.
I was finally able to get the pressure lowered on my CPAP machine so I am hoping that means sleep is in my future.

I"m not done.
I'm a work in progress.

One years change.
I'm getting there.
Slowly
But, I'll get there.